A place to get away from it all and write….

Archive for January, 2014

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Wishing and Hoping

Wishing and Hoping

So I wish I were back in Florida again…the weather here is freezing.

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Grammy’s Recap….and a short….

Thanks to recent updates at work I am unable to post blogs at work on my breaks and lunch. So I wrote this blog on Monday and I’ll write another one tomorrow. 

So the Grammy’s were last night in case you have been living under a rock here’s the break down. The big winner of the night was Daft Punk. Okay so I get the fact that you want to be robots, but God made you human and running around with those creepy gloves and helmets just make you weird. I mean what is the cute fuzzy hamster guys from the Kia commercial wore those all the time. Ewww…

Moving on, Macklemore and that guy that does his music won a few awards along with Lorde and Justin Timberlake. But FINALLY Bruno Mars got the credit he deserved. I mean the guy has been rocking it for years now.

So how were the performances you ask. Here are a few of my favorites!

http://youtu.be/TpJ1npMCyqE: katy perry dark horse

http://youtu.be/HU3IRc5R1hw: Taylor swift

http://youtu.be/7g0pX9mrK0M: Chicago and Robin Thicke

http://youtu.be/mwcL6A9qYJs: Imagine Dragon and Kendrick Lamar

These are the best ones of the night. I know Ringo Star played the drums for Sir Paul McCartney, but these are just theones I liked.

Plus here’s a story I wrote for a friend’s English class. The prompt she gave us: There’s a play in her building where people leave things they don’t want. One day she’s on her way to work and she sees a birthday cake sitting there. …..and this is what I came up with.  Now this is a rough draft tell me what you think!!

A Birthday Froze in Time

I opened the freezer and stared at the bakery’s familiar white box. It was a birthday cake, it was for my niece she was three years old when I bought the cake. I shut the freezer.

“You know you can’t leave it in there.” My husband said quietly from the doorway.

“I know, but it doesn’t have to be moved right this instance.” I snapped and continued packing up the bowls in the adjacent cabinet.

“Keeping it isn’t going to change things. We did everything we could do. Now it’s time to move on.”

“I know alright. I know just leave me alone.”

He sulked out the room. I stared after him. I know it wasn’t his fault, but that didn’t stop the anger that filled me. I closed another cabinet and opened the next one and started packing up the glasses. My hand found a small pink and purple cup that belonged to her.

Part of me wanted to hurl it across the room, but I didn’t instead I threw it in the box labeled “goodwill”. It wasn’t like she was going to miss it.

I moved on.

We had lived in this two bedroom apartment for the last four years, just long enough for my husband to complete his residency. Everything was fine until my sister was released from Jail. See when she went in she was pregnant and after she had the baby she asked us to keep her until she was released. So we did. She named her Elizabeth Anne after our mom. Her nickname was Lizzie.

My husband was always working at the hospital and mothering Lizzie gave me something to do. But I did what anyone would do in my situation and made the mistake of getting attached.

I didn’t know it was going to hurt this bad when she left. Hell I never expected this.

**

It was raining and snowing at the same time when the cab pulled to a stop in front of my building. I scurried out, arms full of grocery bags and Lizzie’s birthday cake. I opened the front door and spotted my sister sitting near the elevator.

 “What are you doing here?” I asked rushing over to her. We lived in a decent apartment building I didn’t want anyone to know we were related, even though we looked just alike.

“Surprise, I’m out. Been clean now for three months. I gotta place. It’s small but it’s mine.” She rambled. Her jean jacket was torn and her she looked strung out. There was no way I was buying that she was clean.

“Okay well that’s good! I’m glad to hear that. But why are you here? You could have called.” I attempted to cover the despair I was feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“I tried. I mean, only once, but I thought I should come in person instead. And I came to get my daughter.”

I blinked a few times. Did I hear her correctly? “What?”

“Marnie, I came to get my Lizzie you have her still don’t you?”

Part of me wanted to lie and tell her that Children and Family Services took her away, but I couldn’t. “Yeah I have her.” I paused and pulled off my wet cap. “Yes, I’m sorry, she’s at the sitters.”

She sighed and smiled, “Oh good, you had me worried. Can I see her?”

“I guess.” I went to the elevator and pushed the button. I couldn’t believe this was happening, today of all days. “Carrie, you should’ve have called.”

She wrung her hands agitated, “I’m sorry I just figured since you didn’t have a job you’d be home.”

“I don’t have a job,” I smirked. “I’ve been raising your kid, that’s a full time job in itself.”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry. Is she okay? I mean is she smart?” she asked and I frowned.

“Yes, she’s perfect.” I faced her in the elevator. “So perfect. She has this cute little laugh.”  I stopped myself from continuing, remembering this woman was here to take my baby away.

 We boarded the elevator and I pushed my floor.

“Tell me more about her.” Carrie begged.

I stared down at her shoes. They were those old black Ked’s we use to wear when we were teenagers. They were black so it was hard to tell if they were wet or not. I was sure they were. “No I’m sure you’ll find out about her soon enough.” I said as the elevator dinged signaling we have reached my floor. I picked up my grocery bags and Lizzie’s cake I had special ordered for her, it was decorated with a horse and had fresh strawberries between the two layers of cake, her favorite.

I unlocked my apartment while my sister talked about all the things she had learned in jail and rehab center. She was now working at a grocery store down the street from her apartment. When she worked Lizzie would stay at a sitter in the same building as her. She had it all set up. She was even taking a cooking class at the local community center in her neighborhood. 

“I don’t understand why you didn’t call. I mean we could have had a party or something.” I said walking into my living room and depositing my keys in the small glass bowl stand near the front door.

“I don’t need to call, Marnie. She’s my daughter. Now where is she?” She demanded and started yelling for her.

“Calm down, I’ll go get her.” I went to leave and she tried to follow. I turned to stop her. “Let me get her and bring her back here. It will be easier. She might freak out.”

“I’m her mom, she won’t freak out.”

“You haven’t been in her life for the last three years. Remember that.” I said with a clam voice.

“Fine, whatever.” She agreed arms crossed.

“Thank you.” As I left, I thought about taking Lizzie and going to the hospital where my husband worked. He would figure out a way I could keep her. I was raising her after all.

I knocked on my neighbor’s door and she answered with Lizzie right behind her. She greeted me with a grin, “Mommy!” She raised her arms up for me to pick her up and I gave in. She was barely thirty five pounds. I could tell she was going to be thin like her mom. She wrapped her little arms around me and I hugged her back.

“Honey what have I told you, I’m your aunt, not your mommy, but I have good news your mommy is here today.”

“Really?” she asked with a goofy grin on her face.

Then I explained what was going on to the sitter and asked her to pray for me. We left and headed back to my place.

“Yep, she’s ready to meet you are you …are you ready to meet her?”

“I guess.” She said and then began telling me about the day coloring and watching a cartoon about a princess she loved. I listened attentively, but didn’t really hear a word she was saying; I was more worried about my sister. How did she even find me? I guess it was the return address on the letters I would write her.

When we walked in my sister was staring angrily at a picture of my husband, Lizzie, and me on the beach that was taken last summer.

“We took a trip to San Francisco to see the ocean. Lizzie had a good time. Isn’t that right?”

“Yeah. Are you my birth mom?” she asked my sister in a small voice as soon as she was on the floor.

My sister nodded and bent down to her. “Yes I am.”

Lizzie frowned up at me with questioning green eyes, but went over to her mom and hugged her. 

My sister picked her up and squeezed her tight and Lizzie didn’t complain.

It was then I noticed again at how thin; her brown stringy hair was down. There was some color to her cheeks, but her eyes were hollow. I couldn’t imagine Lizzie loving her.

“You should go.” I said without thinking.

“No, not without my daughter.” She said hugging Lizzie tighter.

“No, I don’t want to go.” Lizzie cried and twisting in her mother’s arms.

“Wait I’m sorry that came out wrong. Please stay for dinner, we are having a party for Lizzie, she’s three today. It’s her birthday.”

“If you let me stay for the party I’ll go with you.” Lizzie said in her small voice to her mom.

My sister looked at her and them and put Lizze down. “Okay, what are we having?”

“Chicken and green beans, my favorite.” Lizzie said and dragged her mom to the kitchen. I followed 

Lizzie screamed when she saw the cake. It was just what she wanted. Her face was all smiles and sunshine when I sent her to her room to play for a bit before dinner. Little did I know she would never get to eat it?

**

“You finished in the Kitchen, Hun?” my husband asked.

“Almost,” I checked the cabinets again. All empty. Everything was packed away.

***

I noticed my sister fidgeting when I walked back into the living room. “I don’t know if this is a good idea. I think we should go.”

“Why are you in a hurry?” I questioned and fixed the flowers in the vase on the coffee table.

“No, I mean I have to work really early in the morning and we have to take a bus home.”

“No I’ll pay for a cab.” I waved my hand and returned to the kitchen to check on the roasted chicken we were going to have for supper.

Something told me turn around, but I ignored it. By the time we ate my husband would be home and he would sort everything out. He was such a good talker.

When I went back into the living room my sister was gone. I sighed. Good riddance. I didn’t want her here anyway. I went to my room to check my jewelry box, she’d only stolen a cheap diamond ring, she might get twenty bucks for it, but that was it. It was just a piece of costume jewelry I had lying around. I learned a long time ago that my sister was a bad seed. She would pawn anything if she thought she could get something for it. Money just slipped through her hand like water.

I went to Lizzie’s and my heart stopped she wasn’t there. I checked all of her favorite hiding spots before calling my husband at work and telling him everything.

Everything happened so fast. The police came and took a report then left. Friends and came over for comfort. I stayed up for several nights just in case someone called or Lizzie found her way home.

Then the call came in the middle of the night. It was from the police. I pulled on some clothes and headed down to the station with my husband. That’s when they told us they found Lizzie, dead, frozen to death next to her mother.

I identified the bodies at the morgue. Lizzie’s little hands were a bluish purple. I tried to wrap her in my coat to warm her, but my husband led me from the place. I was in hysterics.

I spend a week in the psychiatric ward before I had finally coped with the fact that my niece and twin sister were dead.

Part of me thought God was punishing me, but I know now that it’s not the case. I lowered my hand to my stomach and felt it jump. My little baby was hungry. I opened the freezer again and pulled the cake out and cut into it. It’d thawed a bit since it was the last thing in the refrigerator.

I just took a small bite and smiled. I was going to be okay. It was good we were moving. I boxed the cake up and set out on a table in a small foyer where people left thins they didn’t want.

“Goodbye Lizzie.” I whispered and returned to my apartment to get the rest of our things. It was time to leave.

 

 

 

Time for a Change!!!

The sun is shining and the wind is blowing a nice warm breeze of fifty degrees outside. I went for a walk and found the birds chirping and people out doing yard work. There were a few other brave souls out running or walking with their dogs. Part of me felt bad because, I have two dogs at home, but every time I take them out they poop in every yard. Okay so I’m exaggerated, but they are old and can only go for about a block before sitting down and refusing to get up. Maybe I should get a treadmill.

After my walk I came home and stretched then enjoyed an awesome smoothie courtesy of Dole. They are cheap and all you do is add juice. This is right up my alley. I am all about convenience.

I am planning on giving my dogs a bath today wish me well and making shrimp scampi for the first time. I got this sauce that’s supposed to be phenomenal. While eating I am going to sit back and watch the Grammy’s so be prepared for tomorrows post.

Here’s what I wrote yesterday, chapter 1 of working title: Willow Brooke

Chapter 1

A shiny black car was parked outside with state issued stickers in the back window. This could only mean trouble for me. As far as I know I hadn’t caused any problems, but that didn’t mean the O’briens weren’t returning me to the orphanage.

I parked my motorcycle and pulled my helmet off before heading inside. Karnie, another foster kid was sitting on the front porch.

“What’s this about?” I asked.

“You,” she said with her dirt brown eyes glistening.

“I ain’t done nothing.” I said.

“Yet, Mrs. O’brien says you and that bike ain’t nothing but trouble waiting to happen.”

I rolled my eyes and went inside. I could hear the grownups talking in the other room, but went to my room.

Packing had always been something I was good at. I could fit a whole weeks’ worth of clothes in a book bag. As soon as I turned eighteen I wouldn’t have to do this anymore. I would find a job and make enough money to get my own place. Then I would be gone. Free of this stupid system that has held me captive for so long.

“Mackenzie James get you butt down here this instant!” hollered Mrs. O’brien.

I grabbed the only picture I had of my mom who ditched me sixteen years ago on the police doorstep. I guess she knew I was going to be a bad seed or something,

Sliding my backpack on, I took a deep breath and headed downstairs.

A woman in a dark blue skirt and matching jacket was sitting at the table with a clip board. Her eyes looked familiar, like I had seen her from somewhere, but where?

“I guess today is your lucky day.” Mr. O’brien said frowning at me.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because it’s not every day that you find out that your birth parents want you back.” Mr. O’Brien said.
“What?” Did I hear him right?

“Don’t play stupid Kenzie, your real parent’s want you back.” Mrs. O’Brien said with a smile.

I didn’t care about them, they obviously didn’t care about me. They gave me up and all. “And no one has answered the question why. Why after all these years? What’s changed?”

“I’ll explain in the car, are you all packed and ready to go?” the woman in blue said. She seemed to be in a hurry.

“So soon? What about the check? She’s been here almost a month?” Mr. O’Brien asked.

“Yes, it’s all right here in the envelope, please do not open it until we leave.” The woman said.

“Fine by me as long as we get paid.”Mrs. O’Brien said.

I glared at them. “Of course that’s all you wanted.”

“Hey food ain’t cheap,” Mrs. O’Brien said.

“Whatever, can I take my bike.” I asked the woman.

“Sure, I understand it’s registered to you and such,” she said.

“Yeah.” I replied.

“Okay well let’s go.” She said and led the way out of the house.

Mr. O’Brien said a couple of choice words to his wife that I couldn’t hear, but neither one of them tried to stop me. I was a ward of the state after all.

“Bye kiddo.” I said to Karnie.

“At least you’re getting out.” Said called after me.

“Don’t worry there will be another me next week, just wait and see.” I said starting my engine.

I put my helmet back on and followed the car of the welfare lady for about an hour before she pulled over at a diner. I parked and we went inside.

We were taken to our seats and she ordered a diet coke with lemon. There was something about the way she ordered that didn’t make me think she was a state worker. It was like she was too good for this place.

“And for you?” the waitress asked.

“Water.”

She left and I stared at the girl in front of me. Her eyes were blue like mine and with her hair pulled back I could tell it was some sort of brownish blonde color.

“You’re not really a social workers are you?”

She giggled and she let her hair down making her seem years younger. “Nope.”

“Okay so why are you here? Why did you get me away from the O’Briens.”

“Because your my sister and that’s what family would do.”

“I think you have the wrong person. I don’t have any family. They dumped me a long time ago.”

“No, she didn’t.”

“She didn’t drop me off at a police department in the middle of nowhere?”

“Yes she did, but she had to.”

“No one has to abandon their baby in the middle of winter. It’s a choice that was made.” I said and got up.

“Please don’t leave. Let me explain.” She said and I sat back down.

“I am hungry.”

The waitress returned and I ordered cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate shake. She only ordered a garden salad with some kind of vinegrette.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“I told you I’m your older sister.” She said and dug into her purse. “My name is Maggie Mortson, your older sister. I’m eighteen, my favorite color is baby blue anything.” She smiled and took a sip of her Diet Coke.

“How did you find out about me?”

“I was going through some private papers of my mom’s and found your birth certificate.”

So it was true. She slid over a folded piece of paper and picked it up. If I opened it there was no going back. I knew this and I think she did too.

“What are you waiting for. Look.”

I unfoled the piece of paper and sure enough. My name, Mackenzie Jane Mortson-Thienny, born January 29th, 2001. I was born in the small town of Stauton far away from the city. So it was true.

“My mother had an affair with my father and wound up pregnant. She told my father and he forced her to give you up.”

“What kind of power does he have over her?”

“My dad is a nice guy, but there are some things he’s got issues with and cheating is one.”

“But I didn’t do anything. What’s the point now, I’m practically grown now. What you think you can just come into my life and make me see what and who I will be missing.”

“I don’t understand. I thought you would be happy.”

“Happy? What is there to be happy about? I now know that I have a family that I didn’t want.”

“But I’m here I just bailed you out of that rat hole you were living in.”

I laughed. “The O’Brien’s have one of the nicest and cleanest places I have ever lived in.”

“I just don’t understand why you would want to stay there.”

“Because like before you came barging into my life I was doing fine. I was dealing. I was doing just fine.”

The waitress interrupted my rant by placing our food and then left again.

I cut my sandwich into four pieces and started to eat.

“So why not come back with me. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Uh I get thrown back in the orphanage.”

“I won’t let that happen. Your my sister.”

“Stop saying that.”

“But it’s true.” She said and we finished our meal in silence.

When the bill was laid on the table I reached it first and threw a twenty on the table.

“Where did you get that?” the girl questioned.

“I robbed a bank.” I said and left.

There was no reason to follow her to her house. It was obvious my parents wanted to forget about me. I was going to make it easy for them. 

Say What??

This week has been a wash. I didn’t go to work and completely went off of my routine when it comes to eating right and working out. As for homework, it’s been a pretty lax week for that’s well. But while I sat back and observed the world pass me by I learned a few things; posting things on face book about your family can lead to lots of drama, once a user always a user, and I am addicted to food.

I’ll start with the last statement. I always knew that I was obsessed with food, but this week I confirmed my deepest fear (okay I’m being dramatic), but I am addicted to food. My girlfriend and her mother went to the new pizza place in town while I was at home “sick” and I flipped out. Okay I didn’t really flip out as much as I became really angry and irritable. Plus when she got home I wouldn’t speak to her, because how dare she eat “good” food without me. So therefore I have decided to break it off with my long time love of food. It’s just not working out. I must replace it with something else. More healthy.

There’s no point in talking about the drama, we all have it. Just be there for your friends and support them.

No, I didn’t do any writing this week. I had a ton of ideas and thought about writing fan fiction, still might. Just don’t have a solid grasp on a solid idea yet. I need one that flows. Maybe I’ll write a new novel based off of my characters. Should be interesting. Would it still be considered fan fiction?? I’ll write this novel in February!! I’ll have 28 days to create a work of fiction. That’s my goal and it has to be at least 50,000 words long.  I’ll keep track of my words via this blog! And if you want to read it at the end just let me know.

So that’s all for now before I tell everyone I am going to write a poem or something I can’t do.

 

Why do they cancel shows….????

I wonder why they cancel all the shows with identical twins. I was sucked into Ringer with Sarah Michelle Gellar and The Lying Game with a bunch of kids similar to the cast of any teenage drama.ImageImage

Both shows received good reviews and had an ample following, so why cut them? I’m sure it wasn’t the lack of possibilities that could have taken place.  Both shows ended with cliff hangers and no ending. I think it should be mandatory that if they are going to can a show and then put it on Netflix they should at least end it…I mean they were half way through the season and BAM it’s over.

I feel abandoned. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t so wrapped up in all the drama. I mean it was a really good story line with lots of twists and turns. I mean WTF it angers me. Now I guess I am going to have to write my own conclusion…any ideas of where to post it?

Well that’s all I have to say for now.

 

Thankfulness

So many times throughout life we forget what is really important and really matters.

Today I am going to share with you a few things that I am truly thankful for.

First and foremost family. This includes biological family and my friends. They are there for me when I pick up the phone to chat, bitch, whine, and even cry. They don’t judge me, but tell me how it really is, even when I don’t want to hear it. They watch out for me. They respect me and my girlfriend, again even though they may not agree with our decisions. They help me when they can, this even includes a simple text with valuable information. They inspire me to be a better person. They work with me and push me to do things I would otherwise not do. I love you guys!!

And then I am thankful for having the gift of writing, even though sometime it might now make sense. I love that ideas hit me in the middle of the night and my hands ache until I have a computer under them or a pen in my hand. I love that soon I will be able to share my work with the world via self -publishing. I love that this option is available.  

Oh and a bonus, I am so thankful for GOOD actors and actress. I say this because I can put a face to my characters.

What are you thankful for?

Oh and who are you rooting for in today’s football match-ups?

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Video

Friday Music: Breeze Blocks by Alt J

Today I am going to post the video entitled Breeze Blocks, it’s by a band named Alt-J. Pretty good. Watch it and let me know what you think!!

I love how it has a different meaning if you watch it forwards than backwards!

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